***Originally Posted on Gals Whine Time on November 13, 2017***
Chicago’s Indian Summer has been forgotten, our winter coats have been dusted off and the countdown to family holiday events is on! Holidays are full of family traditions, great food, making memories and charming inappropriate comments from ones we hold dear to our hearts. As mothers, we have all received wonderful unwanted comments while pregnant. Carrying a baby allows people the right to say ridiculously rude things to you or at least they believe it does. On top of being an emotional mess, pregnant women have to fight off comments flying through the air while trying to survive life with her in-laws. I remembered my experience, asked some close mom friends and decided on the top ten inappropriate comments pregnant woman will deal with this holiday season. Enjoy!
Comment #1 – “Oh my goodness, you look so big”
It is not okay to tell anyone over the age of 7 how big they look. Telling a pregnant woman they look big is uncalled for. Woman know how much weight they’ve gained. Pregnant woman are weighed at every doctor appointment. Pregnant woman look in mirrors. Pregnant women know their clothes don’t fit anymore. There is no reason to remind a pregnant woman she is getting big. She is with child! She is supposed to be big!
Comment #2 “You’re eating for two. Let me get you another plate.”
If I could have eaten for two while pregnant, that would have been great. But, depending on which trimester a woman is in dictates how many extra calories a day she should eat. Women should only eat 300-500 extra calories a day while pregnant. 500 extra calories a day isn’t even a small vanilla milkshake from Oberweis Dairy (which I indulged in weekly while pregnant). On top of only eating 500 extra calories, don’t forget a woman stomach is squashed by her ever-expanding uterus not allowing her to eat as much.
Comment #3 “Would you mind taking your shoes off?”
When it takes a pregnant woman 30 minutes to waddle, bend, and squeeze into her shoes, give her a break when you see her wearing them around your house.
Comment #4 “Don’t you want the baby to arrive before the New Year for a tax write off?”
It is unbelievable how ridiculous people can be, right? There is a human being in her stomach, not a check from the government!
Comment #5 “Are you sure your due date is correct? You’re much bigger than I was at 6 months.”
There is no reason to question an obstetrician about an expected due date. The patient knows within a few days of when she conceived. If there is a question about a due date and a woman isn’t 100% sure when she conceived, her obstetrician can tell from the twenty-week ultrasound her due date. Also, please, please, please don’t compare your pregnancy to a currently pregnant woman. She doesn’t care about how great or awful you looked while pregnant, because no one is currently sticking his or her knee in between two ribs in your rib cage, but rather her unborn baby is using her ribs to practice playing xylophone.
Comment #6 “You better sleep now, because once your baby is born you won’t”
Can sleep be saved? Is there a way to put my current pregnancy sleep on Google Drive and come back and use it later? No, weirdos! Don’t forget about the lack of sleep that comes along with pregnancy. More than half of all woman encounter pregnancy insomnia. Please worry about your own sleep and know pregnant woman are aware sleepless nights are headed their way when the baby is born.
Comment #7 – “I can totally tell you’re having a girl because you’re carrying the baby so low and she has stolen your beauty!”
Is there any reason to be discussing how a woman’s stomach is hanging? No! Woman love to play the boy/girl guessing game. The old wives tales for why you are carrying either a boy or girl are plain rude!
Many women believe you can tell by a pregnant woman’s beauty if she will be giving birth to a baby boy or baby girl. Carrying a boy is said to make a woman more beautiful, whereas carrying a girl is said to make women look less beautiful. It does not make it any better to tell the woman her unborn daughter is stealing her beauty because she is still being called unattractive to her chubby, tired, full of acne, pregnant face. Imagine staring, rubbing and touching a man’s beer belly and guessing what type of burrito he had for lunch. If you find this appropriate, you most likely have indulged in too many spiked eggnog cocktails at your holiday party and it’s time to sober up.
Comment #8 “Will you be me returning to work after having your baby?”
Are you a financial planner? Does having a baby come along with a million dollars to let all mothers stay home from work? No! In 2016, 25% of woman return to work within two weeks of having a baby. 2 weeks!
Isn’t that crazy? For the woman lucky enough to have a paid maternity leave, taking extra time away from work may not be an option. This is a sore subject for many mothers. Many people can’t afford to take off as long as they’d like to and many people don’t have the option to live on one income. It is hard enough for a mother to leave her child to return after maternity leave, so it would be best to try not to remind a woman who isn’t even a mother yet, that she will be leaving her newborn to return to work soon.
Comment #9 – “You look like you are ready to be done!”
Great! Isn’t it nice to be reminded of how awful you look? Pregnant women are sick, hungry, tired, swollen, full of weird feelings and gasses (causing those feelings) and feeling plain miserable. There is no reason to point out the obvious. Some women just don’t get that beautiful pregnant glow and don’t need to be reminded of how they look. Trust me, a woman knows when she doesn’t look great.
Comment #10 – “Aren’t you so excited to be able to drink again?”
No, just no. You have already reminded the pregnant woman of how difficult nights will be. Drinking alcohol while taking heavy pain medicine to help the pain associated with either the stitches across a woman’s stomach or the stitches in her crotch can’t be a good mix. She is also going to try as hard as possible to make breastfeeding work. The last thing a new mother is worrying about is getting drunk. Unless is this person offering to babysit?
Being pregnant is a wonderful, but difficult time for women. Pregnancy is accompanied by aches, pains, and uncalled-for judgment. Many of the comments are said with good intentions, but hormonal, worn out, uncomfortable new moms do not need the added stress of unnecessary comments this holiday season.
Keep it simple when talking to a pregnant woman and simply ask her, “How are you doing?”